REMEMBRANCE Read online

  “It’s because she is not as unhappy as I am,” she spoke the words out loud. “Oh Mum, I miss you. Maybe you would know why Gran is behaving the way she is.”

  She buried her face in her hands as her heart ached and her tears flowed. She rested her arms across the table’s small top as she remembered her mother and closed her eyes against the pain that welled inside. The pain, grief and shock were just as fresh now as they were the day they had diagnosed her mother with cancer. Sometimes, Maria had wondered if she would ever hold it all together. Loneliness could be a person’s undoing. She should have come home after her mother died. She should have been here with her gran and Margaret, instead of throwing herself at the only available male within a ten-foot radius and making a fool of herself in the process. Yes, she should have come home, she concluded with a yawn, exhausted from her inner turmoil. She fell asleep where she lay, hunched over the dressing tables top.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Maria was awoken by the sound of movement behind her; she kept her eyes closed, as she willed her aching muscles to life. Sleeping in such an awkward position, hunched over her dressing table, was not one of her most brilliant ideas. She could barely feel her fingers, having cut of the blood supply with her weight. She tried wiggling them, only to be assaulted with that horrible pins and needles sensation one gets when the blood flow returns. She moaned quietly as the stiffness in her neck caused a spasm of pain down her spine from any slight movement.

  “Come now, Miss Austin. Your uncle won’t be best pleased with me if I do not get you ready for the ball.”

  Against her better judgment, Maria opened her eyes slowly. The pain in her head pounded against her skull, and she moaned again. All she wanted to do was collapse onto her very soft bed until her body returned to normal.

  “Come now, Miss Austin, there is so little time.”

  “Oh,” she moaned, “not now Margaret. Please tell Gran that I don’t feel well.”

  “Who’s Margaret?” a young woman’s voice asked.

  The oddity of the question had her suddenly awake, as Maria could not recall Margaret ever talking in such a high-pitched girlish voice. She had a picture of short, stocky Margaret behaving like… No, she shook the image from her head, smiling. No, Margaret had never been a teenager—had she? With sudden interest, Maria lifted her heavy head and spotted the image of a strange girl behind her in the mirror, her eyes widened in disbelief. Had her mind run amuck? Had her imagination conjured up this spectre of Margaret as a young woman? She spun herself round on the stool.

  “Who are you?” she asked, rather alarmed. “Where’s Margaret?”

  The young girl seemed taken aback by this onslaught of questions, “I am sorry Miss, but there must be some mistake. I can assure you that I do not know a Margaret.”

  “Then who are you?” Maria asked.

  “Please, Miss, do not tease. You know who I am… Bella!”

  Maria turned herself back towards the mirror and screwed her eyes up tight.

  “It’s ok M; it’s just a dream. When you open your eyes, everything will be as it should,” she whispered.

  “Is everything alright, Miss?” The young girl’s voice broke through.

  Maria opened her eyes sharply—she was still there!

  “Miss?”

  “No… everything is not alright.”

  “Please Miss; you will get me into trouble. Your uncle insisted that I have you ready on time. The guests will be arriving shortly, and I have not even started to dress your hair yet.” The young girl looked nervous as she fidgeted from foot to foot.

  Maria’s mind was in turmoil; what should she do? She knew that she’d been under a lot of stress lately, what with her mother’s death and the untimely incident with Richard, but this… She was losing it—finally, her mind had snapped, causing her to hallucinate. Maybe she wasn’t awake; maybe she was still sprawled across the dresser, asleep? If this is a dream, it will run its course, and she will eventually wake up, she concluded. Her heart was racing wildly with a mixture of apprehension and excitement. Could she be dreaming? Still, it all seemed real. Suddenly, she felt the warmness seep through her limbs as the smile formed on her lips. What an adventure this could be! Let’s see where this takes me, she thought to herself. Having made her decision, she took a deep breath and turned back towards the young woman.

  “Ok… err… Bella?”

  The girl looked relieved and moved towards her.

  “Yes Miss, thank you, Miss.”

  Bella started adjusting her hair. Maria watched with amazement at the woman’s precision and experience, as she managed to arrange her mass of unruly curls to look like something out of a Vogue catalogue. Curiosity regarding the place that she was now in was forming in her mind as she watched the calloused hands working at their magic.

  “Tell me, Bella, what time is this?”

  “Time Miss?”

  “Yes time. What date is it today?”

  “Oh Miss, you do like to tease. Anyone that can read will see the date on the paper.”

  “Paper?”

  “Yes Miss, the paper,” she pushed the folded newspaper towards her. “You see Miss, it says 10th April 1814. Me Pa taught me numbers.”

  “1814?”

  “Yes Miss. I must say ’tis a delight to have you home again.” Maria glanced at Bella with a frown. “Your uncle is so happy to have you back—that is why he is giving this ball, to introduce you back into society.”

  “A ball for me?”

  “Why yes, Miss, ’tis such a long time since you have been back. That finishing school of yours must have been good if they kept you there for the past six years.”

  “Six years!” Maria echoed her words.

  “It must be such a relief for you to be home. I bet that you cannot wait to catch up with your old friends. I know that young Mr Bradley is eager to see you again.”

  “Mr Bradley?”

  “Why Miss Austin, pray you have not forgotten your dearest friend after all these years?” Bella looked at her sympathetically.

  Maria felt awkward. Who was this Mr Bradley that she spoke of? Bella seemed to think that she should know him, so if she was to flow with the dream, she must relax. Calm down, M, she told herself quietly.

  “No, of course I haven’t,” she replied. It was only a little white lie—what harm could it do? It was just a dream.

  Bella finished her task and stepped back to admire her handiwork. “There you go Miss, and you should definitely wear the white dress; ’tis most fitting for your complexion,” she suggested.

  “I am happy to go along with whatever you suggest, Bella.”

  Bella smiled, showing a mouth full of black teeth as she turned to the wardrobe. “It has been such a long time since I have had the honour of dressing a proper lady. Your uncle had this dress made especially for this occasion. It has been awhile since I have seen him this happy! It is as if you being back home has brought a new lease of life in him.”

  Maria swallowed the lump in her throat. Suddenly she felt very apprehensive—and why did she feel as if everyone was relying on her in some way, perceiving that whatever she did in this dream would reflect on her somehow?”

  “Oh Miss, you look beautiful!” Bella exclaimed, as Maria stood before the large mirror, dressed in the white satin dress. Its low neckline showed just a hint of her bust as it fitted snugly over her contours down to her hips, where the material cascaded like a shimmering waterfall down to the floor. Her golden hair was curled on the top of her head with several loose strands escaping to fall freely about the creaminess of her neck. She hardly recognised herself; the transformation was unbelievable—that pale, unhappy person she knew no longer existed. She looked like a fairy princess, but then one could perceive anything they wanted in their own dream—couldn’t they?

  “You will most definitely be the belle of the ball,” Bella announced proudly.

  Once ready, Maria took the steps to the ground floor. As she walked down slowly, she
could hear the sound of many people talking in the large hall below. She noticed that everything around her looked exactly the same, except there wasn’t a dust particle to be seen. Had her gran managed to nag Margaret enough to finally give the place a good clean? Somehow, that thought didn’t stay long in her head, for she had the feeling that the cleanliness of her surroundings had nothing to do with either of them. Her palms were sticky and she could feel her legs begin to tremble from nerves.

  “Maria!” a gentleman’s voice sounded at the foot of the spiral staircase.

  He was a rather large man with a bright red face and dark hair greying at the temples; his long-tailed evening suit fitted like a glove and a large white cravat hid his chubby neck from view. Although he carried a little weight on him and was apparently approaching fifty, his face still retained its handsome features.

  “Maria, darling,” he held out his hands.

  She descended the last few steps and took his hands, sensing that this man had to be her uncle.

  “Uncle,” she said, as he leaned towards her and placed a kiss on her cheek.

  “Oh, I have waited six long years to do that! Welcome home, my dear.”

  “Err… thank you.”

  “And may I say that you have grown into such a beautiful young lady.”

  Maria blushed as he held her at arm’s length, to take in the elegant woman before him.

  “Come, my dear, everyone is already here.”

  With that, he placed her hand into the crook of his arm and led her to where the sound of talking came from in the hall.

  *****

  “I can’t believe that you talked me into this,” Thomas hissed quietly to his friend.

  With all the humour he could muster, Dudley grinned innocently, “Face it, you would have come even without my badgering. However, your mother would never have forgiven me if I had bowed out and let you skulk in that dreary library of yours.”

  “It’s called ‘freedom of choice’, Dudley. I would have made my decision, with or without you or my mother’s help.”

  Dudley laughed quietly, “Your mother would never have spoken to you again, had you decided to hide yourself away.”

  “Oh, I’m sure that I would have suffered her silence admirably.”

  “Yes, I’m sure that you would have. Still, have some consideration for me—your poor friend, never to be allowed back, ever to Nedgely for my lack of support in her little scheme.”

  “I am sure that you would have survived just as I, had I chosen to remain at home.”

  Thomas glanced around the gathering and sighed. It was evident that most of Nedgely’s finest families had been invited, and those in attendance were there either because it was an honour to be invited to such an event, or were simply as curious as he was to finally meet Miss Austin after her long absence.

  “I’m bored,” Dudley announced.

  Thomas looked at his friend, one eyebrow cocked, “Bored? How could you possibly be bored? We have been here just twenty minutes.”

  “Twenty minutes may not be long to you, but have you taken a look at the people here?”

  Thomas looked around with a frown then turned back to his friend, “Don’t tell me that the lack of eligible ladies already has you running. And here I thought that you could make a party out of the most boring gathering!”

  “Ah, that is true; I am not saying that there is a lack of female company. Why, there are two young ladies over by the refreshment table! I do admit that they may not be the next beauties of the town; still, for more adventurous entertainment I have in mind, they would suffice. And then there is a number of—should I say—married ladies that have fluttered their lovely eyes in my direction,” he sighed.

  Thomas took another quick glance around the room, catching the eye of several of the ladies in question, “My God, Dudley, you are worse than a stag in heat!”

  Their laughter drew the attention from the couples closest to them.

  “We need something to liven up this party,” Dudley finally said, raising his glass to his lips.

  “And what is it you suppose we should do, my friend, get totally in your cups and dance naked on the buffet table? I’m sure that those lovely married ladies would come flocking to see the size of your assets,” Thomas laughed when his friend’s face crinkled in disgust.

  “I can assure you that there is many a lady that would appreciate the—how did you say it—the size of my assets.”

  Thomas took a deep sigh, shaking his head, “You never cease to amaze me, my friend.”

  “Ah, but Tom, you are forgetting there was once a time that you enjoyed the thrill of the chase just as much as I still do.”

  “Yes, and look where it got me.”

  “I don’t recall you complaining at the time, I even remember… Oh my God, bloody hell Tom! I think that I’m in love!” he suddenly exclaimed

  Thomas looked confused, noticing that Dudley’s eyes seemed to have widened to twice their size and were now focused behind him on a spot just over his left shoulder. He frowned, turned slowly round and followed his friend’s gaze with his own eyes.

  *****

  Maria saw at least 40 people gathered around in small groups, all dressed in elegant evening clothes. It was if they had all made a special effort for her benefit. The scene before her resembled something you would have seen at a fancy dress party—except there was not a hint of humour in their faces; they all looked so serious.

  “Everyone, please,” her uncle shouted across their conversations.

  As the room quietened, all faces turned in their direction. She swallowed hard, uncomfortable with being the centre of attention. Something bright flashed before her eyes for a split second; she had to blink several times before her vision cleared.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, friends, may I have the pleasure of introducing you to my niece, Miss Austin?”

  Everyone in the room either bowed or curtsied at the announcement and as Maria and her uncle took the last remaining steps down. One by one, all the guests came forward to greet her, taking her hand.

  “How lovely you look,” one lady said.

  “Oh my, haven’t you grown?” chirped another.

  “Very pleased to meet you,” said yet another. The greetings went on and on.

  Maria smiled politely, nodding here and there, even though her attention had been taken by a certain gentleman that stood back from the rest of the crowd. She noticed that he had made no attempt to move forward for an introduction. He was dressed in a very dark blue velvet tailcoat, with an embroidered waistcoat, and a cravat in a paler shade tied loosely under his chin. His ruffled blonde hair complimented the smooth features of his handsome face—and his eyes—she didn’t think she had ever seen eyes that blue before. Suddenly, she did remember those eyes.

  But, who was this handsome stranger who had not taken his eyes off her from the first moment she had entered the room? Who was this man who had watched her graceful movements through the crowd, this man that sent her pulse racing and her skin tingling in awareness from his stare? She felt as if she should know him; there was something in the way he watched her that ignited something within her; something that she felt had been lost.

  Thomas had been transfixed from the moment Maria had entered the hall; she was far from the young girl he had known as a boy. She had grown into this magnificent woman. He had noticed that she had caused quite a stir among Sir John’s guests, and he could hear the gossiping tongues of the people closest to him, which caused him to smile. Dudley, however, was salivating like a wild boar at his side. So much for the ugly duckling, Thomas thought.

  His heart had begun to beat rapidly as he looked upon her. Suddenly, had started to feel quite sick, with the turmoil of emotions that were starting to surface—feelings that he had managed to contain for the past six years. He sucked in an uneven breath and tried to concentrate on the sparkling gemstone around her neck, while he regained some control. However, that only drew his attention to the creamy, si
lky texture of her slender neck, which then led his graze to drift to the white satin bodice of her dress, where a hint of perfectly formed flesh tantalised and tormented his eyes.

  He felt 18 again, sensing his body pulse with life, hardening that part of him with desire he remembered feeling whenever he had looked at her.

  He wanted to go over to her, show her that he was unaffected by her appearance and make his introductions, as any sane person would do. However, he found that his legs had become weak, and they would not do his brain’s bidding.

  He tried to focus without much success. Come on Tom, get it together! It is only M, he scolded himself quietly. After all, he was the Lord of Nedgely and he could control these emotions, or at least burry them away—conceal them so no one would know. He took a few shallow breaths and schooled his features, until he finally felt confident enough to open his mouth without the words sounding like gibberish. He turned to his friend.

  “Close your mouth, Dudley, before you make a complete ass of yourself.”

  Dudley shook his head and drained the contents of his drink, “What was I thinking? Ugly duckling! I should have made you stay at home Tom. Now, I’m never going to get a look in with you around.”

  Thomas smiled. This was one of those times he thanked the Gods for the looks they had bestowed upon him. His perfectly shaped nose was framed by smooth cheekbones, subtly arched honeyed blond brow, a shade darker than that of his hair, and eyes so blue they could be compared to the colour of a summer sky. Women’s eyes were drawn to his uncommon handsomeness. At six foot two with broad shoulders, toned chest and slim waist, he was the focus of many admiring glances.

  Still, he was aware that he was not to every woman’s liking, and that it would be just his luck if that were the case here. He stopped his train of thought with a harsh reminder that he was only here at his mother’s insistence. He did not come for personal gain and he certainly wasn’t going to embarrass himself by dribbling like an un-tried youth.

  “Ah Thomas,” Maria’s uncle called out, “Thomas, my man, there you are!”