REMEMBRANCE Read online

  He glanced over his shoulder and she noticed how his smile enhanced the colour of his blue eyes, “I will always wait for you, M.”

  Aware that she was being left behind, she quickened her pace, only to find that the distance between them was growing. She tried running to keep up with him, but the material of her long skirt hindered her movements and, the faster she tried to go, the further away he seemed to be.

  Then she sensed that they were not alone in the field, as she heard a man’s voice speaking words that she couldn’t quite understand. She came to a halt and looked around, half-expecting to see the very man they had just been discussing chasing after them. But there was nothing amongst the long grass that looked out of place, and the little stone wall that separated Whitmore’s garden from the field some distance behind her stood empty.

  “Come on, M,” Tom’s voice was so distant now that it sounded faint.

  Confused, she turned in the direction that Tom had taken and found that the entire length of the field separated them.

  “Tom, wait for me!” she yelled, but he kept going, as if he hadn’t heard her. Panicked, she started running again. She could feel the sharp pains in her sides from the exertion and her breathing was coming in short gasps. Worse still, there was an ache in her chest, as if she was losing something dear to her. Something told her that she needed to reach him. She desperately tried to hurry, so that she could keep him in view. She was now almost at his side and he finally turned on her approach.

  “M, whatever is the matter?” he asked, clearly concerned.

  Doubled over from the pain in her side, she dragged air in to her lungs and tried to calm her racing heart, “I thought that you were leaving me!”

  “Oh M, you are a funny one! I told you that I would never leave you.”

  She cocked her head to the side and tried to smile up at him, as she eased her aching body slowly, trying to straighten her posture.

  “Now, tell me, M, what has caused you all the fluster...” he started to ask, when, suddenly, his smile evaporated on his handsome face, “M?”

  Fear spread through her limbs, as she saw his figure distort, becoming almost transparent. A sharp pain encroached into every crevice of her head and, as she brought her hands to her temples, trying to ease its throb, she suddenly saw that her own body suffered the same fate.

  “M…” she could barely hear him; his outstretched hand was almost invisible.

  “Tom, Tom…” she cried, as his image faded away before her very eyes.

  Doctor James entranced her by his words; her body was thrashing from side to side, fighting with every fibre of her being, as the darkening void clamped down on the images in her head, shutting out the smiling face that held the bluest of eyes, and sleep consumed her.

  Maria woke up fighting; the blankets were so tightly wrapped around her arms and legs, as she precariously dangled over the edge of the bed like a moth in a cocoon. Wriggling, she managed to gain a safe position, thus avoiding the threat of bashing her brains out on the hard wooden floor, and took long laboured gasps to still her racing heart. Confused, she frowned as the dream lingered. Could it have been a memory? Dream, memory, memory, dream which was it? If she really believed in coincidence, then she would have to accept that it was a memory. The memories of life with her mother when she was young—the images she thought had vanished—were somehow returning. It was conflicting with everything she had come to know, and it felt as if her head would explode. Then there was the pain in her chest and rising sickness in her stomach, as she remembered her last meeting with Tom at his mother’s house, “Oh God!” she cried and buried her head into her pillow.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Maria’s grandmother stood outside the door. It had only been a couple of minutes since she had entered and found Maria’s bedroom empty. Her brow creased into a frown as she wondered what had caused the child to be up so early. A smile suddenly formed on her face at the thought that everything was going according to plan. Content once more, she closed the door behind her with a click.

  It was then that she heard her granddaughter scream out from behind the already closed door. Her hand hovered over the round brass doorknob before she eventually turned it and re-entered the room.

  Maria sat up on the old four-poster bed, sobbing, her face buried in her hands.

  “Maria, my dear, whatever is the matter?” she asked in alarm, rushing to her side.

  “Oh Gran, I have lost him!” Maria cried.

  “Lost whom, dear?”

  Maria raised her tear-stained face to look at her, “I have lost Tom.”

  Bertie looked in disbelief at her granddaughter. Then the broad smile crossed her face. “Shush child, you have not lost him, for it has only just begun.”

  “But he is to marry Lucy Cartland and I… and I…,” she stuttered.

  “And you have started to remember, my child.”

  Maria looked at her with a blank expression, “Remember what?” she questioned.

  Bertie so very much wanted to tell her everything at that moment, but she knew that Maria needed the time to adjust to her memories. She worried that, by rushing in and exposing it all now, she would do more harm than good.

  “The reason your mother took you away. Your dreams are finding their way back. You have to try to remember. I promise you that, once you do, everything will become clear to you.”

  “I don’t understand,” Maria cried, shaking her head.

  “You have to remember who you are; who Tom is,” Gran tried to explain.

  “Tom?” she mouthed his name. “But I love Tom and he is to marry Lucy…,” she suddenly stopped, as a thought came to her. “But it’s just a dream isn’t it?”

  “Is it Maria? Are you sure?” her gran asked with a hint of experience in her voice.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I no longer know what is real and what is not,” Maria said, hiding her face behind her hands again.

  Bertie could see that, at this moment, nothing that she did would help ease her granddaughter’s grief. She knew that she could not step in and reveal all to her; Maria had to find out what was really happening by herself. There were obstacles that only she could master and, in doing so, she would come to understand everything.

  “Maria, my dear child, nothing is lost; we all have paths in life that are there to follow. Still, nothing is set in stone as only we can make the decision to walk those paths or choose to go in another direction. Sometimes, just as we think that there is nothing more for us to do, inspiration can be our guide. Thus, the question is—do we just give up at the first sign of defeat or do we want something so badly that we are willing to fight for it?”

  “You have the choice, Maria; you can take which ever path you want. Don’t be frightened by a little competition, embrace it instead. I thought that you had better sense than that. You’re an intelligent girl and I am confident that you will find the way to overcome the obstacles before you. Just remember, there is nothing lost that cannot be found.”

  Maria sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes, “But…,” she started to object, but was cut off by her gran, who spoke gently.

  “There is no room for ‘but’s. Remember, it has only just begun, so choose wisely. I suggest that, once you are done with your weeping and have thought a little about what might be going on, you should come and see me. I will be waiting in the sitting room,” she touched her hand to Maria’s arm. “Please dear?”

  Maria nodded in agreement, before dropping her head back into her hands, as her gran raised herself from the bed and walked towards the door. Before she left, she turned to look at her granddaughter once more, as if giving her courage, for she knew that Maria would not come and see her this day.

  * * * * *

  “Oh Miss, whatever is the matter?” Bella’s voice sounded at her side.

  Maria lifted her head from her hands, “Where has Gran gone?” she whispered.

  “What Miss? Oh look at the state of you, how are you to go to the picni
c looking all washed out and pale?”

  Maria wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, sniffing. What was going on? Was she dreaming again? She was sure she had been talking to her gran not two minutes ago.

  Then, without any warning, the sharp pain in her head returned, blinding her for a few seconds.

  Bella noticed the change. “Miss, I can prepare some of my herbal tea that should set you up nicely and should relieve some of your tension,” she offered.

  “I do not want any tea and I certainly do not want to go to the picnic; I am never going to leave this room again,” Maria snapped.

  “Oh Miss, you cannot mean it. It is such a lovely day and you will be sorely missed.”

  “I don’t care,” she cried stubbornly.

  “Come, Miss Austin, whatever it is, it cannot be all that bad.” There was alarm in the young girl’s voice, “I’m sure Mr Bradley would miss your company.”

  “I doubt that,” she replied crossly.

  “Now, now, Miss. I’m sure Mr Bradley has his faults, but he has always remained steadfast where you were concerned,” Bella assured her.

  “He has?” Maria asked hopefully, looking Bella in the face.

  “Yes Miss; he would never have a bad word said against you.”

  “Never?”

  I bet that was before Miss Cartland managed to sink her claws into him, she thought bitterly. She frowned, trying to coerce herself from this stupor by convincing herself that she was better than this, and she had to do something about her situation. One thing was certain—she wasn’t going to give him up to that horrid girl without a fight. She thought for a little while before something deep in her head clicked and she jumped off the bed.

  “It is as someone once told me,” she suddenly said, but where or when she could not remember.

  “What’s that Miss?” Bella asked.

  “That it has only just begun. Come Bella, you have to make me look as beautiful as you can.”

  “That won’t be too difficult, Miss,” Bella smiled at her mistress’s newfound energy.

  * * * * *

  The picnic party had gathered enthusiastically at the front of the house; the air was filled with laughter as they collected their baskets from the carriages.

  “Are we all here?” Sir John asked excitedly.

  They all nodded, eager to leave.

  “Come on then,” he said, waving his hand and the group started to follow the chubby gentleman down the drive.

  Thomas looked around anxiously. Where was Maria? She was not with the picnic party. “Wait! Miss Austin is not with us!” he shouted to them.

  “Oh dear; where has that girl got to?” Sir John said disappointedly for he was eager for them to be on their way. “Joseph, have you seen my niece?”

  “No, Sir, I am afraid that I have not.”

  “Oh dear, oh dear. We shall miss the best of the weather if she does not hurry. Will you go and see if she is in her room?”

  Joseph moved away and disappeared through the large door.

  “I will wait for Miss Austin,” Alfred Grainger offered, “You all go on ahead and we will catch up with you directly.”

  “Capital, capital,” Sir John chanted seemingly unconcerned that he could be overheard.

  Thomas hung uneasily back from the rest. He did not like the idea of Maria being alone with Alfred Grainger, knowing that he should have been the one to walk with her. He had wanted to speak with her about the previous evening and this would have been a great opportunity to do so.

  “Come, Mr Bradley,” Lucy Cartland said as she slipped her arm through his, “let us catch up with the others.”

  Thomas smiled down at her upturned face. He found Miss Cartland pleasant enough, but if he was honest, he did not like the way she presumed that they were an item, which seemed to give everyone else that opinion as well. There was no understanding between them and he had certainly never made her an offer. Reluctantly, he let himself be led towards the others in the party.

  Maria waited until she saw the last of the guests disappear from view. It was as she had predicted—Mr Grainger being the attentive gentleman he was—had waited for her to join him. She knew that she was behaving appallingly, but she needed Mr Grainger to set her plan in motion.

  “Ah, Mr Grainger,” she said coming from the house, “has everyone already left?” she asked innocently.

  “Only just, Miss Austin. And may I say that you look charming today?” He faltered. He had been quite stunned at the picture she presented, and she had observed the effect she had on him at her arrival. She just hoped that it would have the same effect on Tom when he saw her.

  “Shall we catch up to the others, Mr Grainger?”

  He had trouble taking his eyes off her, and barely managed to stutter, “Yes… yes … of course.”

  She placed her arm through his, giving him a small smile.

  By the time the others came into view, they were nearly at the top of Upper Bank.

  Thomas had kept looking back every few steps to see if Maria and Mr Grainger were anywhere to be seen. The group just started placing the large blanket on the soft grass when he spotted them. He stood watching as they neared, his eyes widening and the breath caught in his throat at the sight of Maria. She looked like… like an angel. The fine garments of her white dress floated about her legs with the slight breeze they encountered on the hillside. Her golden hair was pinned at the sides and fell in gentle curls about the creaminess of her shoulders. As she looked up at Mr Grainger, her face was alight with laughter.

  Jealousy struck deep in the pit of his stomach and he could feel his heart racing in his chest. He felt the trickle of perspiration as it appeared on his brow and his hands had become sticky as they clenched at his side. Was he to bear this? This had to be a façade; she was not Mr Grainger’s… but his.

  The languorous sun hung high in the blue sky, and although the wind blew gently on the long grass, causing it to ripple like waves upon the sea, it was still quite warm. The picnic party edged the blue blanket and helped themselves to the abundance of food laid out in its centre. The clink of glasses that were held out sounded like small chimes as Thomas uncorked bottles of wine and filled them for the thirsty guests. Miss Cartland moaned excessively about her aversion to the heat and fussed endlessly about fine brown freckles that appeared on her skin.

  Mr Grainger was more than attentive to Maria as he lay on his side, propped up on his elbow. He talked about anything that came into his head—some of which bored her to distraction, but she still managed to laugh courteously.

  Sir John, in all his merriment, grew a darker shade of pink from the amount of wine that he drank and insisted on sharing his silly little jokes with the entire party.

  Maria desperately tried to ignore the way Lucy Cartland practically threw herself at Tom. She was disgusted when she saw the way her hand touched his thigh at every opportunity. She was beginning to hate young Miss Cartland. She did not dislike this young lady because of who she was—that was something that had been bred into her, and she could not be held responsible for her breeding—but because she had taken away the only person Maria truly loved.

  “Why do you not go and sit in the shade, Miss Cartland?” Thomas said tightly.

  He was irritated by her repeated advances, for they were getting progressively overt now that she was quite drunk. He had a reputation to uphold and this redhead was becoming a pain.

  “Will you not come and sit with me Mr Bradley?” she said whimsically.

  “No,” he snapped, but realising how rude that must have seemed to everyone, quickly added, “Pray forgive me, I shall be there momentarily.”

  He had barely been able to take his eyes of Maria for the past hour. The way Mr Grainger wooed her was making him feel sick. He so very much wanted to go over and punch the young man, but he had managed to keep himself in check. Still, he had his own problems to deal with, for Miss Cartland had draped herself all over him the moment they had left Whitmore Manor an
d he was now quite bored with the young lady. He had guessed that Maria’s behaviour the evening before had been caused by her irritation with Miss Cartland monopolising Tom’s attention. Was she jealous of this red-haired vixen? He hoped that she was. He felt as if he could stand it no longer; he wanted to go over there and drag her off and confess his feelings for her. Would he have to sit here still as Maria laughed at her young suitor’s jokes? How long could he bear it?

  Maria sat with the breeze on her face, as her loose curls waved about her neck. She felt a little light-headed from the wine and knew that it was having an effect on the way she flirted with Mr Grainger. She took another mouthful of the amber liquid and let it slide down her throat. Was her plan working? she wondered a little fuzzily. The problem was that, if she left it any longer, Mr Grainger at her side here would become totally besotted. She had the terrible feeling of guilt that she had been encouraging him wholeheartedly.

  She turned her attention to the view and drained the last of her drink. Mr Grainger filled it almost immediately and she smiled appreciatively. The view stretched for miles from where she sat; she took in the gentle sweep of the hills back across the fields, Whitmore Manor to the left, which looked tiny from the top of Upper Bank, and to the right, she could clearly make out the roof of Nedgely Hall. She spotted a horse grazing in the fields below and she marvelled at how small it looked—just like a piece from a child’s play set.

  She noted that Miss Cartland had finally moved into the shade of the nearest tree. She swallowed hard; her nerves would fail her, she thought. The next part of her plan needed to happen now or not at all. She gulped at her full glass and finished it without hesitation—for courage, she told herself.

  Taking a deep breath, she excused herself from Mr Grainger’s side and slipped quietly away from the group. Feeling a little unsteady on her feet from the effects of the wine, she giggled as she staggered a little up the bank of the hill. Once she reached the top, she turned, as if admiring the view, even though all she really wanted was the confirmation that Tom was watching her. Once she was certain that she had his attention, she stepped over the top and disappeared from view.